Double-Cross
by Kaguya 2.0
Summary: Forte's had it with being Wily's evil henchman, and is almost ready to flip to the Lights' side. The only problem is, Dr. Wily's got a trump card up his sleeve. A trump card named Zero. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

So one day Blues calls me a chump. Like, "you think you're king shit of fuck mountain, but as long as you're working for Wily you're just a chump" and so on. I don't know what a chump is and it pisses me off. Smarty-pants seems to think that's funny. I wanna wipe that stupid smirk off his face and show him who the real chump is. But I only get to sort of half-pummel him before he blasts me to the ground, and when I look up he's gone of course. Runs away like a little bitch every time. Oh well. If I were him, I'd be scared of me, too.

I forget about the "chump" thing for a while. But one day I try to get into the lab and it's access denied. Cornea scan, fingerprints... neither of 'em work. I'm like, _that's weird, but whatever_. Next day, though, it's the same. And the next. Egghead's up to something but hasn't told me what. That pisses me off. So I wait there for him to come out so I can let him have it. After a while I get tired of waiting and start beating on the door. At last he opens it up a crack, just enough to peek his wrinkly forehead out. He's got this look on his face like _the fuck you want?_

I'm like, "you better tell your right-hand man what you've been doing in there."

And he goes, "_ex-right-hand man_. I'm building your replacement."

And I'm like, "the fuck you mean by that?" or something in that vein.

And he's like, "Remember how I built you to do that one job, which was to destroy Rockman? Well, you've done nothing but suck at your job. But remember that time you ransacked the Lights' place and brought me back that data? Turns out that was the fucking ticket. I started analyzing it, and wow. It's some real next-gen shit. It's gonna make you obsolete. So you're fired. But don't worry, because I'm always gonna need someone to scrub the toilet and darn my socks and whatever. A promising career as my housemaid awaits you. I'll even get you a frilly smock and everything. Ha ha."

And I'm like, "you asshole. You fucking asshole." Although maybe I don't use those exact words.

And he's like, "boo hoo hoo."

And I'm like, "maybe I'll flip, then. What makes you so sure I won't flip?"

And he's like, "'Cause if you flip, this thing I'm building is gonna go after _you,_ too. Then you're fucked. It's your choice-accept your demotion, or become a grease stain on the floor. So what's it gonna be?"

And I'm like, "yeah, the first one," 'cause I'm no dumbass.

And he's like "uh huh, thought so. Now get lost."

I'm so pissed off, I really wanna smash the old man's face in. But whenever he's around, if I raise my hands up or pull them back or even just make a fist, or kind of make like I'm gonna kick something, I hear that rapid _click-click-click_ in my head which means I'd better cut it the fuck out real quick or I'm gonna be in for a world of hurt. 'Cause if it gets up to five clicks I'm gonna be on the floor for like half an hour getting zapped from the inside, just fucking fucked. I mean, sometimes when the old man is out of range I work on my uppercut, and if I get really fast at it, one sweet goddamn day, I'll be able to get one in in under five clicks. But right now the best I can do is, I estimate, like seven and a half clicks. I'm not fucking stupid, so I keep my hands down at my sides while the old man is disrespecting me. Then he shuts the door and that's that.

I go down the hallway, kicking the wall and also sort of slamming myself into it. I'm angry that the old man's taken my job away all of a sudden. I'm angry that I did something awesome for him, like steal that data from the Lights that one time, and then he goes and uses that against me. I'm so angry I'm seeing red. I wanna pummel something so bad. When I get to the end of the hall I see Quick and Clash patrolling and otherwise being useless wastes of space. So I just fucking lay into 'em right there. I go all berserker and they don't even get a single shot in. I blast and wallop 'em until they're in bits and pieces all over the floor. It feels fucking great. But I know I'm gonna get it for that, later. Not as bad as if I'd tried uppercutting the old man, but still. So right away I'm mad as hell again, 'cause I can't do anything fun without the old man coming down on me.

Then for some reason I remember the "chump" thing. And I go "what's a chump?" to the netscreen mounted at the end of the hall. When I see the answer I'm like _holy fucking shit,_ _smarty-pants was right._ Like, I do all this work for the old man, and what the hell do I get for it? Like, nothing. It's like a fucking joke. I've been a chump all this time. And then I feel like the clouds are parting and this bright golden sunlight is, like, shining down. I see everything so fucking clear now.

I'm king shit of fuck mountain. From this day on, I'm not gonna be anybody's chump.


	2. Chapter 2

So now I wanna ask Light what's in it for me, like, if I flip. But of course I don't fucking dare use any of the old man's netscreens to do it. So I decide to go and see Light face to face. Problem is, I can't be sure there isn't a bug or something on my person somewhere. Like, I wouldn't put it past the old man to have slipped one in long ago and not told me, so that if I ever flipped later he could find out about it and bust my ass. So even if I go see Light, I can't fucking speak to the guy or anything. So I come up with this brilliant idea of writing a note by hand. I don't know who the asshole is who invented writing by hand, but I gotta admit, it's kinda useful in this type of case. So even though it takes me a long time and it looks like shit, I write the note.

Then I have this problem of getting the note to Light without the little blue dweeb getting in the way. So I tie the note to a rock. Then I teleport to this road just near the Lights' place, and wait for Light to come by in his car. I have to sit there beside the road for like half a day, in these trees and leaves and shit, and it sucks. Man, the things I do to not be a chump. But at last this car comes by and I see that Light's driving it and that he's alone. So I hurl the rock-note at the windshield on the passenger's side, and _crunch_ in it goes, and in the next second the car swerves and flies into a ditch.

At first I think that's kind of awesome, but then it gets real quiet and the car just sits there with the airbags deployed and I'm like, _oh crap, I've fucking killed the guy_. But then I see him pull himself out, looking like _the fuck just happened?_ and he seems okay, like, physically and everything. He leans into the car, and then he takes out the rock with the note on it and reads it. Then he looks all around, like he's searching for me, and I'm like _ah yeah, it worked_, and I step out of the trees and wave him over. But before he gets too close, I make these gestures to convey that he'd better not talk, like, verbally, or I'll brain him, because of that chance of me being bugged and all. Lucky for him, he gets it. And he takes out his phone and types into it and shows it to me and he's like, "If you flip, I'll protect you from Wily."

I'm kinda surprised that he's so cool and businesslike about it, considering how I just fucked up his car and everything. But I take the phone and type into it and I'm like, "yeah, that's right, you'd better fucking protect me. But don't tell me I'm gonna have to be nice to the blue dweeb from now on. I need to pummel something once in a while."

And he's got this look on his face like, _yeah, I get ya_, and he takes the phone and he's like, "so you can pummel Wily-bots all you want instead. And you can _win_."

Ouch. But I gotta admit, the guy's got a point.

Then he gives the phone to me and I'm like, "I want you to take the clicky thing out of my head, too."

He reads that, and then he gives me this look like _the hell's a clicky thing?_ And right then I realize that the blue dweeb and smarty-pants and miss perfect, none of 'em have clicky things, only me. I feel real fucking weird all of a sudden. And then Light gets this look on his face like _hmmm_ and then he starts probing me with these sad eyes, which creeps me the fuck out. I really feel like just braining him right then and there. But lucky for him he goes back to being all businesslike and he types into the phone and he's like, "yes, I'll take the clicky thing out."

So it seems like everything's gone real smooth with Light and I'm feeling pretty fucking good about the prospect of flipping until suddenly I remember that thing the old man's working on. So I take the phone and I'm like, "but wait, there's this problem." And I tell him what the old man told me about his new project that's gonna destroy Rockman for sure and make me obsolete.

And Light's like, "yeah, so what? Wily's always getting these ideas and they never work."

And I'm like, "but this one's different, 'cause it's based on data I stole from you."

And Light's like, "oh."

His face gets all serious, and for a second I feel kinda proud of myself that I actually got one over on Light himself once. But then I remember it's not just the blue dweeb or Light who's gonna be fucked because of what I did, but me too. And I truly regret stealing that data.

I figure Light's gonna get angry at me, but he actually doesn't. He just crosses his arms and looks down at the ground with this look on his face like, _hmm, hmm_. Then he finally types into the phone and shows it to me and he's like, "okay, here's what we'll do. Does Wily know you've flipped?"

And I'm like, "nope."

And he's like, "good. So I hate to do this, but I think you've gotta go back to Wily. I need you to get me some intel about what he's building. And roughly when he'll be finished. The timing's especially important. I need to know how long we've got."

And I'm like, _fuck_. Going back to Wily and getting into his good graces and shit so I can get this intel is gonna be a fucking slog. But I'm like, "yeah, I'll do it," 'cause I see it's the only way I'm gonna be able to un-fuck myself, ultimately.

And then Light's like, "but if you feel like Wily's catching on to you, or you don't feel safe there, just go. Got it?"

So I agree to Light's plan and we swear to keep it between us and we choose a rendezvous point there in the woods where we're gonna meet again. And then I tell him I'm gonna need an alibi for being there today, so I'm gonna go find the blue dweeb so I can try and pummel him just like old times, and Light's like, "yeah, sure."

So I'm starting to think Light's actually kinda cool. But it feels fucking weird and unnatural to just say goodbye to him like this, all simpatico-like. So before I teleport away I make sure I shoulder check him, just 'cause I fucking can.


	3. Chapter 3

So now I go back to the old man and kiss his ass. Only I try not to make it obvious that's what I'm doing. Like, I grumble a bit when he yells at me through the door to the lab to get him some food or wash his clothes or whatever, 'cause if I didn't grumble he'd know something was up. But basically, I just do whatever he tells me to. And meanwhile I wait for the chance to get some intel on whatever the hell he's building in there.

I think about trying to sneak in and take a peek somehow, but the thing is, the old man's in the lab all the fucking time. He eats in there, he sleeps in there-if he sleeps at all-and he probably shits in there too. And anyway the access code is like forty characters long. So I give up real quick on the idea of sneaking in.

I think about rushing him on one of those occasions when he opens the door-but that would set my clicky thing off and I can't fucking do shit while I'm like writhing on the floor getting fucking zapped. So I give up real quick on the idea of rushing the old man.

Then I think the best thing to do is just be all chummy-like with the old man and build like a rapport so that he'll share his plans with me just like in the old days. But like I said, I barely ever see the old man. There isn't any rapport getting built. There isn't shit. Most of the time I've got the run of the place and nothing to do in particular. It's boring and it fucking sucks. In a moment of weakness, I cream like eleven or twelve of his bots one by one and leave their twisted debris in the hall, and the old man doesn't even notice until like a couple of days later. When he finally notices, he just goes, "clean that shit up" through the intercom. He doesn't even come out or glare at me or get pissed off or anything.

I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say, "hey, that doesn't sound too bad. The old man used to come down real hard on you for trashing his bots, but now you can do it all you want. So what are you bitching about, you pussy?"

Well, it _is_ bad, you fucking asshole. The old man, like, _built _me. See how I'm crossing my fingers? We used to be like _this_. Or, at least, I _thought_ so. Now it's like he doesn't even care if I exist. I'm "obsolete," he said. Now I know he never actually fucking cared. This sucks. Do you fucking get it? I got feelings too, you dumb shit.

Anyway, like I said, I try to make it look like everything's normal with me. So, like, a few times, I ambush the blue dweeb and let him have it. He does his usual "why do we have to fight?" speech and blah blah blah. It's clear he has no fucking clue what's going on between me and Light, so that's good. And like usual I just tell him to shut the fuck up and I come at him. I'm not gonna _kill _him, of course, 'cause that would blow my chances with Light for sure. But I still think it'd be awesome if I could get him to tap out or something.

But while we're fighting these crazy thoughts keep running through my head, like, _hey, kid, I hope you fucking appreciate what I'm doing for you. If it wasn't for me, pretty soon your blue ass is gonna be sitting on a cloud, playing a harp or some shit. _And then I start thinking shit like, _what the fuck is the old man building in there, anyway? _And then I remember I'm supposed to meet with Light again and I _still _don't have any solid intel for him. And if I don't get any intel soon I'm gonna be fucked, the blue dweeb's gonna be fucked, everyone's gonna be fucked. And then sure enough I'm distracted and the blue dweeb blasts me to the ground and he's like, "are you okay? Need a hand?" and I'm like, "fuck off," and he leaves and I lay there thinking _fuck my life_.

But after like three or four times of this, suddenly I can't find the blue dweeb anymore. I set fire to a library and the fire department comes but there's no sign of the blue dweeb. I hijack a bulldozer and smash up a bunch of parked cars and knock over like three blocks' worth of streetlights and fire hydrants and people scream and flee, but he still doesn't show. I'm like what the fuck. It just doesn't feel the same without the blue dweeb. I guess I was coming at him harder than I thought and he couldn't take it. Oh well. If I was him, I couldn't take _me_, either.

So later that same day, after that fun I had with the bulldozer, I go back to the old man and my bedroom is fucking _gone_. Like, where two of the walls used to be, there are now two huge fucking smouldering holes. The mattress where I used to lie down and recharge is buried under a mound of blackened rubble. And naturally I'm like what the fuck. And I turn around and I see the old man just kind of smirking at me with his arms crossed. And he's like, "today I tested Zero's new blaster. As you can see, it went well."

I'm so fucking pissed off at the old man, but there are all these other fucked up feelings mixed in with the anger, like confusion, and, like, this feeling of not being able to believe my bedroom is fucking _gone_. But in my head it's like there's this scrolling marquee going _oh, it has a name now_, and that part's just all cool and rational-like. And that part realizes I have something to tell Light.

That same cool and rational part figures the old man's trying to intimidate me so as to keep me in line. And suddenly the rational part in my head is like, _come on, Forte, ol' pal, get some more intel_, and it actually wins out over, like, the anger and confusion and that other shit. And for a second I'm like _hmmm, hmmm_, and then I get this idea to kind of, like, taunt the old man so that he'll brag and spill some info, and I kind of roll my eyes at him and I'm like, "so you wanna scare me? Well, I'm not that scared, actually."

And the old man raises like one eyebrow at me and he's like, "oh, really?"

And I'm like, "yeah, 'cause it seems to me like this… Zero?... is above your paygrade. I mean, no offense or anything. But I wonder if you're actually gonna be able to finish this one."

So the old man looks at me real hard. I think he's gonna get pissed off, but he doesn't. Actually he gets this fucking creepy sparkle in his eyes and he kinda smiles a little and he goes, "You know, I asked myself the same question in the beginning."

All of a sudden I get this real weird fucked up feeling. Like, I can't stop staring at the old man and that stupid fucking smirk on his face. I get like the fucking heebie jeebies all over, and somehow I just know that the motherfucker's already finished building "Zero." And I'm like, "you… you…"

And then the old man goes, "ah, you've guessed it."

And I keep going "you… you…" some more 'cause I'm blubbering like a fucking idiot.

And then I kind of snap the fuck out of it and run toward the lab and see the door's wide open and the old man's work table is empty. And I'm like, _fuck fuck fuck_. How the fuck did the old man finish so quick? I haven't even met with Light again yet. No fucking fair. And I'm like standing there slack-jawed as the old man comes in.

And I'm like, "where the fuck is it? Where's Zero?" And I actually say _fuck_ to the old man for, like, the first time ever, that's how fucking rattled I am by this shit.

And he's like, "I sent him out to do what I built him to do. And unlike _you_, he's gonna get it right." And then the old man gets real close, so close I can almost feel my fist slamming up into his jaw, and it takes me everything I have to keep my hands down at my sides. And he's like, "what's the matter? You look surprised." Then he gets even closer and I'm like smelling his putrid old man breath and he's like, "I knew you were gonna flip from the moment you first found out. That's why I've been working out Zero's schematics in secret for the past year, at night while you were recharging or while you were out prancing around. I was smart and I managed to hold off on the assemblage until the very end. A bit unorthodox, but it paid off. Whatever you snitched to Light, it doesn't matter. He won't be expecting a visit from Zero this soon.

"...Well? Isn't there somewhere you'd better be going now, Forte?"

So I look at the old man and I'm like, "you fucking asshole." And I actually do say "fucking asshole," 'cause there's no fucking point anymore in staying in the old man's good graces and shit.

I'm thinking like a million miles a second now. I know I need to haul ass to the Lights and warn them about what's coming. But the old man's already so many steps ahead of me, I feel like it's a trap. No, it _is_ a fucking trap. If I go to the Lights', Zero's gonna waste me right along with the blue dweeb and the rest of 'em for sure. Then again, he's probably gonna waste me if I stay here too. I don't wanna give the old man the satisfaction of watching me get turned into a fucking grease stain. So fuck it. I'm gonna go to the Lights'.

So I turn to go and the old man's like, "good luck," and he's still smirking and I can see he's getting a kick out of this and it really pisses me off. It pisses me off so fucking much that I run back at him and ram my fist right into his jaw. I mean, I just can't fucking help it after the shit I've been through. I see the old man fly backward, and then the clicky thing goes _click-click-click-click-click_ and then I'm on the floor screaming and getting fucking zapped and it hurts like a motherfucker. I can't fucking get up and I can't hardly see shit but I hear the old man gasp and then start cackling, and I know by the sound of his insane cackling getting fainter and fainter that he's walking away.

So I'm just writhing there on the floor like _fuck fuck fuck_, and basically the only thing I'm thinking is _fuck_, but in between _fucks_ these two little thoughts sneak through like, _I gotta get to the Lights'_ and _blue dweeb, I fucking hope I'm not gonna be too late._


	4. Chapter 4

So I'm in deep shit now. I don't know how long the zapping goes on, but to me at least it feels like a real long fucking time. But finally it stops, thank fuck, and I get to my feet and bolt out into the hallway. Weird, there's no sign of the old man anywhere. Oh well. I try teleporting out, but I can't. Egghead's fucked with the teleport shield to slow me down. He's expanded it, like, way the fuck out there, the fucking asshole. I have to run like all the way to the edge of the fucking compound before I can teleport to the Light's place.

But wouldn't you know it, I can't teleport anywhere near the Lights' either. The closest I can get is that lame-ass country road near the spot where I smashed in Light's windshield with that rock. So now I'm like running down the road like a little bitch thinking _hang on, blue dweeb, hang on_. But then this dude comes along on a motorcycle and I jump out into the middle of the road and when he slows down I'm like, "give me that fucking bike" and I just like peel him off of it and throw him to the curb. And I get on the bike and now I'm fucking flying and it feels fucking great. I'm like, _this is more like it_. Whether I get to the Lights' on time or not, at least I'll look awesome when I pull up.

Then as I'm cruising along, way off to my right I see this glint of red and yellow running through the trees-and it definitely ain't Blues. It's Zero-it's fucking gotta be. He's fast, and he's bigger than me-but, like, not _that_ much bigger. I mean, he doesn't look _that_ tough. The only scary thing about him is that he's got this insane crazed look on his face. I wonder what the fuck the old man did to him. I mean, even _I _didn't start trying to kill stuff from the moment I first woke up.

For a second I think I could take him, but good thing I come to my fucking senses and remember what he did to my bedroom. So I give up real quick on trying to fight Zero. Then I remember I gotta get to the Lights' before he does. So I fucking floor it. Pretty soon he's just a little red speck in my rear-view mirror, and then he's gone completely. I start laughing. It feels fucking awesome to get one over on this project the old man couldn't stop crowing about.

So anyway, I get to the Lights' place and don't even bother with knocking. I just fucking blast the door in. This is an emergency, after all. Of course I fully expect the blue dweeb to come out and jump me, but he doesn't. The house is empty and dark. I don't know what the fuck's going on, and it creeps me the fuck out.

So I go in and I'm like "Light, where the fuck are you?" And I hear this muffled answer coming from the basement. So I go down there and find Light sitting in front of his netscreen. And I see the blue dweeb and miss perfect, and both of 'em are out cold on Light's work tables, with all these cables going into 'em everywhere like Light's doing a zillion repairs or upgrades on them both at once.

And I'm like, "hey, Light, move your ass. Zero's coming _now_. Like, _right now_."

And he looks at me all confused for a second, but then it's like a lightbulb goes on in his head and he gets what "Zero" is. Then he springs into action. But he doesn't do what I expect him to do. Instead of starting up Rock and Roll, he starts writing something real quick onto a piece of paper. When he's done he gets up and shoves the piece of paper into my hands. Then he hurries back to the netscreen and starts typing furiously.

And I'm like, "Light, what the fuck are you doing? Wake those two the fuck up. We gotta get outta here, like, yesterday."

And he's like, "no, _you've_ got to get out of here. I've just given you the coordinates to the Cossacks'. Go there. The real Rock and Roll are there-what you see on those tables are only decoys. You see, I'm banking on the assumption that Zero-it was 'Zero,' wasn't it?-brand new as he is, is naive and very easily fooled. If he believes he's destroyed everyone he came here to destroy… well, even Albert will be none the wiser… Anyway, I'm overriding the teleport shield now, just long enough for you to leave…"

And I'm like, "...the fuck? You want me to go to the _Cossacks'..._?"

But Light just keeps barking at me and he's like, "_no armor_ when you show up at the Cossacks', got it? Mikhail's going to put you through the ringer for sure, but he'll let you in at last. Just be patient. I know Rock will plead your case." Then he smiles this weird, sad, wistful smile. "Rock's been waiting for you to flip for a long time. He's going to be so happy." Then he takes a bottle of whiskey out of the bottom drawer of his desk, pours a shot into his coffee mug, and downs it.

Then he gets this kind of wild look in his eyes, and he sort of leaps at me and grabs onto my shoulders and he's like, "whatever you do, Forte, _don't_ let Rock come here to help me. Tell him I'm already dead! By the time you get there and tell your story, I will be! He wouldn't stand a chance against Zero. Don't let him try! Stop him! 'Pummel' him if you have to!"

So I'm standing there with this crumpled-up piece of paper in my hand trying to make some fucking sense outta all the crazy shit Light's just said, when Light turns back to the netscreen and goes, "Forte, the shield's down. You can go now. Thank you for everything you've done."

But I don't go. I step up to him and I'm like, "now, wait a fucking minute. Going to the Cossacks' wasn't part of the deal. The deal was that I'd flip to _your_ side. _You_ were gonna take my clicky thing out. And now you tell me you're gonna let Zero _kill _you?"

And Light looks down at the floor and he's like, "if I'd had more time, I could have figured out some way to escape from this alive. But my first priority was _them_…" He points toward the two decoys on the tables. "If I'm not here when Zero arrives, he's going to come looking for me. And how many people would he hurt before he could find me? No. It's better if I just let him kill me. The sooner he thinks his job is done, the better. I can't think of any other way..."

Then he looks up at me and goes, "now, Forte, get out so I can put the shield back up before Zero comes. I don't want Blues teleporting in here…"

But I don't get out. I'm like, "but Zero's gonna fucking _waste_ you… you expect me to just leave you here?"

And he goes, "yes, I do!" And he pounds his fist down on the desk, and the whiskey bottle rattles and topples over. "Go. Be safe. _Get out_!"

Fuck. I never knew Light was such a hard-ass. I almost feel like upper-cutting him in order to, like, knock some sense into him, the crazy suicidal fuck. But then he pulls a plasma gun out of his desk drawer and points it at me. And he's like, "get out!" again. And then I hear footsteps pounding around upstairs, and I know this is it, and Light's face gets real somber and dark, and I look at him and I'm like, "sorry. I did my best. I didn't know the old man was gonna finish him so fucking fast." And I look down at the coordinates in my hand and teleport the fuck out of there. It feels like shit, but it's all I can fucking do.


	5. Chapter 5

So there I am standing in the middle of a dirt road in front of this fucking huge steel gate. There's a security camera mounted at the top, and as soon as I see it I sidle away from it, out of the road and into the trees. No way am I ready to go in just yet. I'm thinking about what Zero's doing to Light right now and I'm like _fuuuuuck_. Like, in my imagination I hear bones cracking and I see blood spewing all over the netscreen, the walls and the floor, and it grosses me the fuck out. I wanna stop imagining it so fucking bad.

No fucking fair, what's happening to Light. I'd just been starting to think he was pretty cool after all, and now _this _shit.

I listened to Light when he said _no armor at the Cossacks'_. So I'm just in my jeans and, like, an oversized grey t-shirt, and pretty soon I realize it's fucking chilly out here, even though it's summer. I'm like jumping up and down trying to get warm. I feel fucking small and weak without my armor and it pisses me off. And it really fucking pisses me off how much of a motherfucking cocksucker the old man is to do that shit to Light. I wanna pummel something real bad. I wanna pummel something like I've never pummeled anything before. But what the hell am I gonna pummel here? A fucking tree?

Light had said I could pummel the blue dweeb if he tried to help him. So for a moment I think about going back to the gate. I spit into my hand and slick my hair back. I figure I guess I'd better try looking decent for the Cossacks. I take a few steps toward the gate. Then I stop.

'Cause it'd be some fucking heavy shit, telling the blue dweeb about Light. I don't wanna do it. The blue dweeb'll cry. Miss perfect'll cry. Fuck, maybe even Cossack'll cry. Why do I have to be the one to fucking tell 'em? Is it worth seeing that shit in order to get one last chance to pummel the blue dweeb? No, it fucking isn't. Let's face it, I'm not gonna pummel the blue dweeb while he's like, distraught about what's happened to his old man. I may be a dick, but I'm not an asshole.

Allright, then. So I'll go in, but I won't tell 'em about Zero. I'll just tell 'em Light sent me 'cause I flipped, and nothing more. They'll find out about Light and Zero from someone else soon enough, and I'll pretend I'm just as surprised by the news as they are. By then Zero will be long gone, Light'll be long dead, and I won't have to pummel the blue dweeb while he's, like, grieving and shit. I'm starting to think this is a pretty fucking good plan.

So again I take a few steps toward the gate. But again I stop. 'Cause, I mean, if I follow this plan, who knows when I'll get to pummel anything next?

And just then, it's like this fucking dark cloud descends over me. Or it's like I'm falling into this fucking deep deep fucking emptiness. The old man created me to, like, destroy the blue dweeb. All my life, that's been my goal. Light was gonna offer me a new goal of pummeling Wily-bots for him, but he's dead. _Now_ what the fuck am I supposed to do? Other than trying to pummel shit, what the hell am I good for? What the fuck else do I _wanna _do? Jack fucking shit, that's what. But what choice do I have?

When did I ever get to _make a fucking choice_?

My bare lily-white sissy-ass human-looking hands form themselves into fists, and I punch a branch on a dead rotten tree. The branch comes down with a crash, and I stomp on it and it snaps in half. It feels kinda good, I guess. Not nearly as good as pummeling the blue dweeb, but still. But then I hear voices nearby, and I stop and get real quiet real fucking quick.

The voices are coming from the other side of the Cossacks' steel fence, off to the left. Slowly, I head over in that direction. I walk with caution, trying to use the trees for cover. After a minute or so of this the forest on the Cossacks' side gives way to this sloping bare hill that leads down to a beach. Now I hear ocean waves in addition to the voices. And three figures are down there, walking on the sand and talking and laughing. There's miss perfect and then there's this human girl I don't know. I guess she's Cossack's kid. I'll have to come up with a nickname for her.

And then there's the blue dweeb, except that he's not _blue_ anymore. Without his armor, he's flesh-colored and his black hair is flying around in the wind. He's wearing a sweater. Fuck, I'd like to wear a fucking sweater right now. And he looks happy. He isn't gonna be fucking happy when he finds out about Light. But something tells me that one day he'll be happy again. I mean, for fuck's sake, Light got himself turned into ground meat just to protect him from Zero. Nobody ever did that for me. He doesn't know how fucking good he's got it.

I try to, like, imagine myself down there walking on the beach with the blue dweeb and miss perfect and Cossack's kid. Four of us. When smarty-pants comes, I guess that'll make five. The only pummeling going on is gonna be, like, a metaphorical pummeling, to see who's the biggest fucking lame-ass do-gooder. And I feel that fucking dark cloud hanging over me again. I just know I don't belong down there. No fucking thanks. I mean, I guess I'll have to go to the Cossacks' at some point and sort of try and make nice. I need to recharge, and I need repairs once in a while. But I'm not gonna fucking like it. Nobody can make me fucking like it.

And right now? The only thing I really wanna fucking do is go back to the old man and let him have it. I don't even fucking care if I get zapped a thousand times. I wanna feel his jaw break under my fist. I wanna see blood come out of his mouth. I wanna make him fucking pay for the way he treated me and for what he did to Light. It's gonna feel so good to put him in his fucking place for once. So fuck it, I'm gonna go back to the old man. Fuck this cold-ass place and these fucking trees and that fucking beach. Fuck Cossack. Fuck _no armor_. Fuck everybody. I'm gonna go kick Wily's fucking ass.


	6. Chapter 6

So I'm back at the old man's compound, but there's no fucking sign anywhere of the old man. There's just some Wily-bots milling about being useless as usual. I'm feeling puzzled by this, but then it dawns on me. That smug son of a bitch must've gone to the Lights' place to gloat. I mean, that's just what he'd fucking do. So I turn around and now I'm running back toward the edge of the teleport shield so I can get the fuck out of here.

But as I head through one of the antehalls, the door in front of me comes down. Then the door behind me comes down, and I hear this loud _click _meaning both of the doors have locked. I'm like _what the fuck_. And then I hear doors everywhere coming down and clicking themselves locked. Now I'm, like, stuck in this little fucking room. The doors are made of steel, the walls are made of rebar-reinforced concrete, and of course I can't fucking teleport myself out.

At first I don't realize just what kind of shit I'm in. I figure there's some kind of system-wide maintenance going on, and that after a minute or two the doors will open again. But they don't. I start pacing. Then I start blasting at the doors and walls, but that doesn't do shit. It doesn't even make a fucking dent, and that makes me, like, extra pissed off at the old man. I mean, if that fucking egghead thought he was so smart, he should've made me strong enough to blast through a fucking wall.

Then I remember that he _did_ make Zero strong enough to blast through a wall. Then, along with being pissed the fuck off, I also get scared. Yeah, that's right, I actually get scared sometimes. If you have a problem with that, then fuck you.

Then, as if to confirm that I really do have something to be scared about, I hear these loud fucking crashing and blasting sounds coming from far away. It's like _crash, crash, crash_, one after the other. I start yelling and kicking and punching at one of the doors, but all that does is fucking hurt my hands.

Those crashing noises seem to be getting closer. I hear a bunch of Wily-bots stirring and clashing with something for a few seconds before getting blasted to pieces. Trust me, I know what it fucking sounds like when they get blasted to pieces since I've done it so much myself. But I really don't like the idea of something other than me blasting 'em that hard. And pretty soon, it's not just a bunch of 'em getting blasted, it's like a fuck ton of 'em. All their dinky little weapons are going _pyew pyew pyew_ and the next second there's this earth-shattering _whoosh _and then a fucking huge _crash_ and then everything gets quiet. It's like the end of the fucking world.

I'm like _maybe it's the blue dweeb_? I mean, I can hope, can't I? But I'm no fucking dumbass and I already know it can't be the blue dweeb. I mean, before he starts mopping the floor with Wily-bots, or _me_, he always asks to be friends first. Whatever's blasting them now isn't asking to be their friend. It's just fucking slaughtering them. Actually, I know what it is and I bet you fucking do too. Of course it's fucking Zero and of course I've just gotta be fucking trapped here in this fucking room. And if he comes here, he's gonna fucking waste me just like he wasted those Wily-bots.

And yeah, it sounds like he's coming this way. I'm like _fuuuuck_. You will not believe how fucking pissed off I am. I go all berserker and just fucking blast and kick and scream at the walls but of course it doesn't do shit. Then I notice the security camera mounted in the corner of the room, and I tell the old man to fuck himself. I mean, in case he's actually gonna look at this footage later. I fucking lay into him. I tell him exactly what I would've done to him if he'd stayed here instead of being such a narcissistic cocksucking jerk-off. I don't spare any of the gory details.

Meanwhile the noise is getting louder and closer. I kind of brace myself in the farthest corner away from where the sound is coming from. And I'm thinking all kinds of fucking crazy thoughts that never even crossed my mind 'till now. Like _what the fuck was it all for?_ and _why me? _

And for some reason I remember how Light looked when I left him to face Zero by himself. Like, determined and, like, resigned? At peace? Or some shit like that. I guess it's cause he'd already decided that dying had, like, a meaning to it. Like, he was fine with getting turned into ground meat as long as the blue dweeb and miss perfect and smarty-pants were safe. And in his last moments he was even thinking about how to keep me safe. Well, he fucking failed at that last one. But that's not his fault. It's my own fucking fault.

Then it's like the clouds are parting and the sun is shining down real fucking bright and I see everything real clear again. And I see how one tiny little fucking thing I did, just because I was pissed off at the old man, saved the blue dweeb and the rest of 'em. Like, the universe is like this big fucking pond, and everything we do ripples outward and outward. And in the end the joke's on the old man, because he thinks Zero wasted the blue dweeb, but he didn't. It feels real fucking good to get one over on the old man for once. And that kinda makes me laugh, even though I'm still fucking terrified.

And I'm like, _blue dweeb and friends, you'd better show some fucking gratitude for what I've done for you. Like, a statue in my honor would be nice, and it'd be cool if you could worship it once in a while. _

And then I hear this _crash_ which is louder than every _crash_ before, and this huge fucking dent in one of the steel doors appears. Then the dent gets deeper. And deeper. Holy fucking shit, Zero's pummeling his way in. I'm fucked no matter what happens, but whatever, I'm gonna fight like hell. I get my blaster ready for the pummeling to end all pummelings. If I'm on top of my game, I might even be able to get a couple of blows in. That's gonna be awesome. Bring it, you motherfucker. I'm fucking ready.

This is gonna be fucking _fun._


End file.
